I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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