I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
