So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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