Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
