You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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