I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
