I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
