I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
