just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
