I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she pinky promised me she was 18
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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