exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
