I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
