It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
