You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
