maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
