I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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