This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
