If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
