Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize