she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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