If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
