i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
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I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
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So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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