Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
