My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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