Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Randomize
