Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
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He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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