I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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