I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
