Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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