When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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