He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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