Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
