dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
