as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
