I can't watch pbs sober anymore
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
