just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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