Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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