Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
