His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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