Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
