She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
