I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
