After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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