Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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