Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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