FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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