I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
