I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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