Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
honey bunches of taint.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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