whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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