So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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