Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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