there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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