Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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