I think i sorta joined a cult last night
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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