i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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