Got a toothbrush?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
