I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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