You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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