I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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