Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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