im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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