I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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