I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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